2018 Camino Frances Campion Peregrina… The Adventures of a Cyborg Turtle
Am I nuts,what am I about to do?The Camino Santiago pilgrimage has been in existence since Saint James (Santiago) the apostle first made his way from the Holy Land to Spain. It’s been called the camino, the walk, the pilgrimage and the most popular “the way”. This descriptive term was made famous by the 2010 movie with Martin Sheen and Emilio Estevez entitled “The Way” and also through a popular television travel series in USA by Rick Steves. Presently some 200,000 plus pilgrims or peregrinos, from all nationalities, races and countries take the pilgrimage, on some version of the camino each year. The ultimate destination is the Cathedral in Santiago de Compostela, Spain where the bones of the apostle Saint James are said to be be kept. Whether spiritual or religious, emotional or physical, the challenge is taken by many.
So why is a 50 year old Jamaican girl with a busted left leg doing walking the camino? Hmmm I don’t know , maybe because it’s there? There are many routes to Santiago but I decided to take the Camino Frances which begins in Saint Jean Pied De Port, France, passes thru the French Pyrenees mountains then works its way along the northern edge of Spain and ending in the city of Santiago de Compostela. To be fair the Spaniards say the camino actually starts in Roncesvalles, Spain but I wanted the additional challenge of crossing the Pyrenees. Of course I think I was partially robbed (not necessarily a bad thing) of this challenge because the Pyrenees mountain route, also called the Napoleon route, was closed due to safety concerns and winter snow. I was not deterred with this change in plans so I was happy to start my camino in this beautiful little town in France and walk what some may call the less glamorous route. Don’t be deceived the Valcarlos route is just as beautiful, arduous and as charming. After the final climb into Roncesvalles some might argue it is more arduous. Saint Jean Pied De Port is also charming and I’m told it is overrun with pilgrims in the summer months so I am happy to say I started on 1 April.
Is it safe?
Many ask this question Is it safe? Certainly I asked myself but I never took myself seriously, I had no fear, I had excitement. In my opinion the camino is safe but only as safe as you make it for yourself. There are many who make the pilgrimage, who for them, it’s the first time they have ever left home alone, the first time they have been out of their home country, the first time they have ever walked 10 plus km per day or the first they have ever stepped outside their comfort zone. They are still willing to try, whatever it is that drives them they heed the call of the camino. I am fortunate having had experiences outside my comfort zone as I have almost 21 years of military behind me and now I have the spirit of adventure in front of me so I prepared myself.
I heard stories of rape, flashers, and dirty old men but these stories are few and far between. As a matter of fact I ran into a girl who reported she had been raped on the camino in a previous year. This year she was back walking the camino but not alone, she was with her boyfriend. As we ventured down a small hill to the only open market in the small town she told me story of how she checked into an albergue only to be accosted by the owner of said albergue. She was allegedly, physically violated. I say alleged because it had not been legally proven in a court of law. Eventually she was able to fight him off and she then reported it to the Spanish police. On this journey she has some fears but she was determined to check the status of her case in the Spanish legal system. I cannot help but think how resilient, defiant and strong she is. She is a survivor…she is a fierce peregrina.
After that day I didn’t see her again but it made me stop and think of what I would do if this happened to me. Just a week before I arrived for the camino there was a story of a girl who was being followed by a stranger in a car. Thank goodness another pilgrim came along, she was safe. No journey is perfectly safe and yes I did get flashed a couple times but if you are prepared it can make all the difference in the world. Preparation can be in the form of safety in numbers by walking with other pilgrims in sight, in the form of a trekking pole or walking stick, a safety whistle, a flashlight or headlamp for early starts, programming your phone or GPS with your location at all times and the cellphone with local police emergency number, staying away from local political demonstrations and letting family members know where you are at all times. I always felt prepared and aware of my surroundings. I follow the yellow arrows and shells, stayed away from questionable situations and let the camino take me over.
Preparation and execution
Each person has different needs but the basic necessities will stay the same. YouTube was my friend with videos from Efren Gonzales and Stephen from Ireland. I felt I packed what I wanted and needed while trying to keep the weight down. My unique situation required specific medical items and I was wearing a very large metal knee brace I affectionately named the cyborg turtle. I believe I was prepared to carry whatever I packed, to donate what I felt I didn’t need, and ready to mail anything I wanted to keep but didn’t want to carry. I was also prepared to buy anything I didn’t pack but needed along the way, the choice was mine. The weight on your back is hard on the joints especially with a pre-camino injury and can cause additional injury if not careful. I was aware I would be carrying 10kg (22lbs) for more than 30 days averaging between 15-20km (9-15miles) or more per day. I must add that I used mostly everything I packed and I did not feel the need to donate or mail any items. I wouldn’t say I am use to carrying this weight but being in the military certainly help to prepare me. I did, however mail some items to Santiago for storage from Barcelona so I would have these items from my extended vacation after my walk.
The list (April -May)
1 Lightweight +7C sleeping bag and sleeping bag liner treated w/permethrin
1 Lowa Aeox gore-tex trail runner boots
2 pair green shoe insoles (one in boots)
1 Keen sandals (shower also). Next time flip flops
1, Granite Gear Lutsen (45L)-ultralight backpack 2.5 kg. Comfy it worked out great
1 master lock for backpack
1 Mountainsmith waist pack—-for valuables/credentials/DSLR Camera/IPad,
(questionable next time) ***IPhone , wallet, passport, mini router
2 Leki Wanderfreund antishock trekking poles w/cane handle w/ 1set extra tips (
1 rain gear. I bought a super poncho Jacket in France, room for my backpack and me
1 light North Face rain/wind jacket (only used after walk next time packable down)
1 Devold Norwegian wool expedition pullover with hoody
(next time this plus 2 lite mesh Devold summer mesh wool pullover worth their weight in gold )
2 dri-fit long sleeve shirts
1 short sleeve T-shirt for sleep and after walk
2 compression shorts (help to keep me warm and keep sweat at bay)
2 dri-fit exercise long tights
1 dri-fit long sport pants (next time extra tights)
4 Haines sport quick dry underwear
2 Bra (1 regular one sport- next time 2 regular )
4 pairs Wright blister proof double lined socks
1 buff and big scarf (scarf used for privacy curtain/pillow cover and skirt)
1 Oversized lightweight quick dry Yoga towel and yoga hand towel —awesome!
1 pkg travel sized tissue/wet wipes
1 small flashlight and 1 headlamp
1 fork/spoon (toddler size), paring Knife/ multi tool with wine corkscrew
1- 100 and 1- 750ml plastic water bottles (next time 2- 750ml (25oz each stainless
steel bottles )
2-3 Dry Bags and ziploc (clothes,food, toiletries-daypack)
1 carabiner S hook for shower ,safety pins /extra paracord attach to backpack
Toiletry drybag….shampoo conditioner, Dr’ Bronner’s laundry/body soap
(next time- ethique bar shampoo/conditioner/soap sheets)
Tvl size toothpaste/toothbrush
Brush/comb
1 First aid kit/vitamins/prescription medication
****Lukotape
****TENS unit- electrical stimulation with 4AA battery
****Knee Brace —custom made prescribed for left knee
antibiotic cream/bandaids and compeed for blisters
Vicks ointment/Vaseline (in ziplock)
***moleskin (important)
****Prescription meds and vitamins include magnesium
1 Prescription Eyeglasses/sunglasses with case
1 Wise Pilgrim Guidebook app/electronic copy of guide book on my phone
Local fare includes
Water/Aquarius to replace electrolytes
bread /ham/chorizo/olives/soup in a cup/granola protein bar…
3 in one coffee packets found at local market
Transport as needed
There are several baggage transport services which I happily used when my knee was acting up and when I felt I needed it. There is also a great bus system which I admit I took advantage of as needed but these times were few. After Sarria I resolved to walk daily and carry my pack without fail. There is taxi service, It’s expensive but available. There are purist who suggest one should suffer when walking the camino. In my humble opinion no one has to or need to suffer. The camino is a pilgrimage of choice, not one of necessity! I walked my camino my way and I didn’t worry about naysayers. Leaving the US I flew to Barcelona, took the train to Pamplona then a bus to France. It gave me some time to think and contemplate my journey.. I thought I knew, but in reality I did not. I truly had no idea how difficult the journey, how happy, how sad, how challenged and determined I would be. I have faced a lot of difficulties in my life but now I think it may have prepared me for the camino.
The walk
I walked 500 plus miles (799 km according to my Compostela) but from where I started it France. The Compostela counts from the Spanish border. Personally think that it was definitely more kilometers due to landscape and mysterious changing camino mileage signs. I am not sure why I decided to do the camino but I was willing to try. I met so many wonderful people along the way however 99.9% of the time I walked alone. I experienced it all on my own but never truly being alone until the next pilgrim came along. All along the way the spirit also walked with me. What spirit? Well I think it’s different for everyone. The spirit of past pilgrims, spirit of Jesus, spirit of Santiago, the spirit of God, the spirit of the forest, rivers, birds, animals and trees, my life’s spirit maybe. I don’t think it really matters, what really counts is that I know myself and must learn to trust myself. Firstly, many people told me I could not do it. Some, including my doctor said “you won’t complete it, your knee is not good and you are not fit enough” key word for being fat and out of shape. But I have a good excuse. I have lived many years in pain from physical injury and feelings of despair. I felt as if I was in a deep hole for which I could not see the way out. Secondly, I cannot explain the feeling or the need to start and finish this journey under my own power. The camino called me. Permineating my mind constantly, the call was loud and distinct. I did some walking before I came to Spain but not much in the way of preparation. Physical limitations did not help but I was still willing to try. I had to accept my pain. I found myself researching about the camino and I began to live and breathe it. I joined a camino forum which is basically a place to find information about the camino and touch base with others who have walked, wanted to walk or are in preparation for walking. But nothing can truly prepare me for what was to come. I also relied heavily on YouTube videos. If you asked me what I learned I will say to you now, ask me later, to see how wonderful my life will unfold from here. There is happiness in hope.
Starting in France was the best thing I could have done. I remember being on the bus going from Pamplona to Saint Jean Pied de Port feeling amazed not only by the snowy mountainside but seeing a part of the walk for the next day. Yikes I’m gonna be walking up that? Oh my goodness what have I gotten myself into. I felt the excitement of the camino and the tiredness of jet lag all at once, welcome to France and welcome to the camino! Getting off the bus in in Saint Jean I already saw the challenge. Walking up the rain soaked cobblestones in Saint Jean Pied de Port to get to the pilgrims office, register my credentials and get the stamp on my pilgrims passport was an eye opening and lungs capacity experience. My injured knee fought me up the hill. It was pouring rain, slippery and this was where I got my first taste of the weather to come, rain and snow all in one day. Not wanting to slip and fall I tread carefully uphill. The volunteers in the Pilgrims office were amazing. They offered assistance as well as eased fears. I picked out my shell gathered my papers and was on my way. I came from a extremely flat, non-mountainous, sunny Florida, USA. Here I stand by myself, in a cold, rainy, high altitude foreign country. It was a delicious feeling, all-be-it a slightly challenging first experience but hey I’m in France. That night I walked aimlessly through the streets of Saint Jean.
I tried to take it all in, beautiful architecture, stone bridges, a raging river moving thru the small town with cobblestone streets and lost pilgrims wandering around looking for a place to eat. Still in amazement I met Hellium (Portugal) who would complete the camino by bicycle, Mooksama (South Korea) and Luis (Mexico) on foot. They asked me to take a photo of them, they had also just met. On that first night we had a pilgrims dinner, having a first taste of vino tinto, we laughed and talked discussing our plans our fears and our hopes, this is the magic of the camino. The second day in France I woke up to a beautiful morning. A foggy, wet and cold countryside and camino adventures awaited me, it was all amazing. I was happy and sad that I stayed in a private room in La Villa Esponda the night before my start. I needed the sleep and the quiet time but I also wished I had the experience of the albergue (hostel). I had a taste of it with the two drunk Irish men next door in the next room who stumbled up the hall at 2 am failing in the attempt to be quiet. Of course I was already awake the excitement of starting the camino was palpable. I would experience soon enough, that night I was in no hurry.
The beginning of the way
There were no other pilgrims in sight, I left early not able to sleep the night before due to a few drunk pilgrims. After breakfast it was just me in the brisk morning air as I wondered thru the streets of Saint Jean trying to find my way and awaiting the sunrise. I saw behind me, a girl pulling a cart attached to her waist and her backpack and some supplies on the cart. She was from Brazil and for a short while it was just the two of us. We found the famous archway leading to the start of the camino and towards the edge of the village. Watching the sun rise on the horizon listening to the cocks crowing and the birds chirping, we slowly climbed into the mist headed towards Valcarlos. Shortly after that, before Arnegay, I lost my first companion of sorts and I began to see more pilgrims trickling by me one by one. Koreans, Australians, Germans, British, Irish,South Africans,Japanese, Americans and so many others. It was a good amount but it was not at all crowded…this I loved, it would the best combination of being among people and also walking alone.
It’s, real now, being greeted with a hearty BUEN CAMINO from fellow pilgrims. I thought to myself this is it! I am really here. In their eyes I saw the excitement I felt, I saw eagerness, I saw the spirit of the camino. I can’t really say I can describe how I truly felt in this moment….well maybe it was some awe with a dose of reality. I was struggling with this knee of mine already but then, I always knew this would happen just not so soon. I walked up and down some small hills most of the morning thru small homesteads. After a time I finally decided to go back down to the road before reaching Arneguy because I remembered the pilgrims office saying take the road route as some of the trail was either flooded or impassable. Now on the highway, my knees were already crying but hey can’t stop now I just started. I continued on trying to ignore the pain I decided to stop for coffee and go to the toilet. Around the corner I heard music. There was dancing and singing..hmmm I had forgotten this was Easter Sunday. It was a good surprise and a good distraction to pain so I listened for a while then moved on.
What do I do now
I made it to ValCarlos just about lunch time and eventually to Roncesvalles Spain…. it was a very interesting first day’s walk. The next morning a beautiful start and a cold day. Excited pilgrims dot the landscape outside the albergue. The road sign read 790 km to Santiago, but that is road kilometers, not actual walking kilometers but somehow the distance didn’t bother me. Roncesvalles was really an added bonus to the start of the camino. A very large, clean, beautiful albergue with an amazing all volunteer staff. The night held my very first taste of albergue life and living. Really no different than military basic training, in the form of bunk beds,snoring, shared common space except the camino is Co-ed and has separate shower stalls with privacy curtains or doors. Communal meals that evening divided into two different restaurants allow us to meet and greet some of our fellow pilgrims and get our first taste of the pilgrims menu. Vegetarians, vegans, meat eaters there was something for everyone. The next morning, a choice of a full breakfast or simple breakfast and a chance to fill the water bottles for the first day of real forest and mountain climbing.
Holy Hell Zubiri
Today Zubiri, a day which would live in infamy. It was the single hardest thing I think I have ever done in my life including my almost 21 years in the military, childbirth, knees surgeries, shoulder surgery and hysterectomy. This was the rockiest, most challenging, longest up and down hill stretch with no end in sight. Just when I thought I was at the top there was another hill going down. Just when I thought it was the bottom, there was another hill going up , and just when I thought I could take no more I had no choice but to continue. There was no village to stop in, there was no chair to rest in, no available water and there were hours passing when I saw no one. My knee ached , it buckled, it shook and trembled. My knee screamed for mercy and then I ran out of water and at one point I lost control of my bladder and I thought my mind as well. Just 3.5 kilometers from the end, at least according to that last deceptive trail sign, I could be in real trouble. Mistake number 2 never underestimate any challenge especially high mountain passes. Pack more water, stop often and for longer, kick off your shoes get some rest and check the map. I was passed by many pilgrims shouting buen camino. All showed concern but I assured them I was alright….It was just my personal struggle.
Slow and steady wins the race
Taking it slow was the name of the game. This wasn’t a fancy paved trail. There would be many more of these in the coming days and weeks. There were kilometers and kilometers of sharp jagged rocks which threatened to derail me but I persisted, being careful with every step. It took hours and my mind spun. I cried, I cursed, I gave myself words of encouragement, I sang anything to get me thru. At one point the rocks were so sharp and steep that I had to get on my hands and knees and walk down backwards for fear of breaking my leg on a mountain with no other pilgrims in sight. As I reached the town exhausted and emotionally broken I saw the bridge and what a beautiful bridge it was.
I heard cheering after crossing the bridge but I ignored it ..I just needed to sit and get some water. I went into the first albergue I saw but no luck, no rooms, we are completely booked she said. My heart sank further. She said oh you are the person the other pilgrims told us about. “Huh?”. They told us to watch for you. It didn’t register , I was confused and my mind raced in agony. The cheering began again, they were cheering for me. The person running the albergue was saying Champion in Spanish. I didn’t understand… she said let me call someone for you. Just then another lady showed up saying champion campion, she had a room across the street. She owned the pension (sort of hotel) and offered me a private room and bath for 20 euros. I don’t know what overtook me but the tears flowed like vino tinto at a Spanish dinner table. I couldn’t stop, don’t know why I was crying I just know I couldn’t stop. She said “ you are a Champion, you did it !”
After a nice shower I stumbled out the door and up to the cafe at the corner. I ate then hobbled back to the room attached the TENS unit (electrical stimulation) to my knee and fell asleep. The next morning I wanted to stop but I kept moving forward. In the weeks to come I would gain more strength and stamina and the walking became easier.
Rest and theft:
I had not intended to start again the next day, I intended a day of rest but my body was eager to walk, this is the way of the camino. So I got dressed, put on my pack, locked the doors and left the key in the room door, headed back across the bridge and up the hill. It was so beautiful with the morning haze on spring flowers so I stopped to take a photo on the hill. I realized then,oh no I left my phone and my IPod in my room. I raced back down the hill. the outside door was locked so I went across the street and rang the bell for the landlady. I waited for her to get dressed …it was early…and we went back across opened the door and went inside. I immediately noticed the inside room door was unlocked. I distinctly remembered locking it and leaving the key in the door. We looked and looked. We tore off the sheets on the bed, searched under the bed in the closet and in the bathroom. My brand new iPhone X was nowhere to be found. I haven’t gone anywhere and I did not go to breakfast. The cafe was closed so I didn’t stop anywhere. The phone was here and now it’s gone. The lady assured me no one was there, only me. I said no, I heard someone upstairs. She said no one and opened the adjoined room “ see no one”. I insisted. Someone was here I heard them. But I had no choice..I had to leave. I told her I would be staying in the municipal albergue in Pamplona and asked her to forward it if found. I informed her that I need it for emergency purposes, I am handicapped and this was my only means to call for help. I was beside myself and I again walked across the Zubiri bridge up the hill to continue my journey. What a crappy way to start. Mistake number three, three strikes you are out. Keep your belongings in sight at all times…lock up everything valuable, keep your things organized,do a visual check before going to bed and before leaving every morning. I would not make that mistake again.
Crazy thoughts buzzed around in my head for the third time in three days I was out of my head and stressed I had a huge headache but I kept walking. Trying to decide what to do I remembered I have my iPad and soon as I get to Pamplona I will declare my phone missing and trace it, whoever found it can’t use it anyway…it’s password and face recognition locked,new phone new security…it will be ok. After passing the first village I struggled up a hill still deep in thought looked up and saw a local man talking to another local man. I paid no attention put my head down and continued my struggle up the hill. As I passed then one man spoke. In Spanish he asked me something about a phone. I misunderstood wasn’t paying attention and he repeated and I said yes I lost my iPhone . He opened his car door and said is this It? I was in shock and I started to tear up but didn’t cry. I remember thinking…God is truly good and I am on this camino for a reason. She found it! I was so overjoyed but I didn’t have enough Spanish to ask what happened. I expressed so much gratitude and told him to thank the lady for me. Looking back at the incident I know I was correct….someone was in the room and someone did steal my phone. But at no time did I think it was the senora who called me a “campion”. There are good people in this world if we only pay attention. She sent this man in a car two villages over and he drove around and up a hill to look for me and I am grateful. I got my phone back….yeah ! This might be a good camino after all.
The view from here
Today post camino, I sit in a small cafe in Santiago “ A Gramola” searching to find the right words to describe my experiences and the end to my first camino. This is my favorite little spot to watch the peregrinos pass by on their way to the cathedral and their Compostela. I remember my entry into this square and how it felt. It’s a wonder and an amazing sight to see the old city come to life with new pilgrims. There are uncertainties, pain, elation, tears, and so many emotions written on their faces. Some hold hands as they enter, some walk in vigor others walk in pain, some are lost as they search for the end to their camino, some follow the gps, some snap photos and selfies, some ask directions and some just look around not believing they finally made it. I watch reunions, huge hugs of gusto I call them. It’s like the person they now meet again saved their life or maybe they haven’t seen them in 20 years. In reality it may have been only 3 days, maybe a week or maybe 2 weeks but they greet each other as if they are long lost family. Truth is they have shared something extremely special even if it was only for just one moment or one hour or even just meeting in passing on the camino. It bonds us to each other. Some make brief eye contact with me and we share a momentary smile, a feeling which says ”I made it, yes you are here, yes you made it”. No words are necessary because we share this same feeling. I am leaving Santiago de Compostela tomorrow and as I sit here I notice that other pilgrims have taken my place sitting and watching , re-experiencing their camino by watching other pilgrims enter the square. I will miss the camino but the camino will not miss me as there will always be others in the place where I walked and In the place where I now sit and watch.
That’s when it hit me…
After completing the Camino It really didn’t hit me until today, nine days after I walked into the old town of Santiago de Compostela to the sound of bagpipes playing in the archway of the cathedral. I was feeling strong, I really did it! I remember seeing the front of the cathedral for the first time, feeling lonely but satisfied…. I was numb. I remembered seeing all the pilgrims in the square hugging and taking selfies. I remembered that I was an emotional wreck., I remembered being alone. On this day I could no longer contain the tears. I sat in the pew of the Cathedral of Santiago De Compostela for the second time in a week. As the teardrops rolled down my cheeks I remembered that I only cried one other time on the camino, it was after the first real hard climb over a mountain pass on the way to Zubiri, it was the longest day of my life. As I sat in the pilgrims mass I listened as the priest called for those pilgrims and visitors who wished to take communion. I watched as many pilgrims, tourist and locals alike, walked up towards the altar to receive the holy communion. I looked around in the sea of people and I became aware of one particular pilgrim on her way back to her seat. I briefly touched her arm because I saw that she was overcome with emotion, tears filling her eyes. As she walked by me she silently said ”thank you” and she placed her hand on my shoulder. I felt her emotion, I felt her heart and in this I know in a small way I also felt connected to her and every other pilgrim in the mass. We are a family, and I began to cry again.
Camino life
What is camino life? Well simply it’s the organized chaos of daily packing and unpacking, walking, showering, laundry, finding an albergue and a bed, eating , sleeping and getting up the next day and doing it all over again about 30-40 more times until you reach the destination in Santiago, Fisterra or Muxía. It’s allergies, dry skin, sunburns, lip burns, shin pain,knee pain, heel pain,neck pain, shoulder pain back pain, blisters on your feet, hands and blisters on blisters. Along the way one will encounter extremes of rain, snow, sun, but of course this depends on what time of year you take your journey. My experience was more wet than dry and one is reminded that to take care for your feet, is the single most important thing you must do. You learn to value newspaper on a rainy day. Wet boots/ shoes are a horror on your feet so stuff with newspaper or better still the used disposable sheets and the next morning your feet will smile back at you. A guidebook whether online or offline it’s useful but really was not necessary as yellow arrows and shells mark the way. I tried and struggled at times to pay attention and only stay half way in my head space or I may miss one marker and end up lost. But I didn’t worry, with my limited Spanish I could and did get directions from eager locals. Some basic understanding of Spanish is helpful but not obligatory.
Another part of camino life is learning to adapt to your surroundings. Can one Pee in the forest ? In the forest yes, but please not on some farmer’s crops. I had to use the forrest toilet once or twice but on most occasions one cafe con leche or cup of fresh orange juice got me into a proper toilet somewhere up ahead. In additions to finding available toilets one learns to organize their needs and their gear so it’s all manageable along the way. I found that many things end up hanging on the outside of my pack for easy access. Investment in a good rain poncho and dry bags kept everything dry. Sports tape, moleskin, compede type blister care, antibiotic cream, whether I brought it from home or bought it in one of the many pharmacy’s, cannot be underrated.
Camino life is listening to a choir of snores every night unless you decide to get relief by sleeping in a pension or hotel. But then you miss the pilgrims as told to me by one pilgrim who spent a night in a hotel. He went to get some much needed rest and ended up coming back to the albergue because he “missed the sounds of the pilgrims” The snores hit every musical register and the bunk beds vibrate in rhythm. At first you use headphones or earplugs but at the end it is rarely necessary as thru exhaustion you learn to sleep through anything. Everyone snores although they swear they don’t. Camino life is also watching other pilgrims struggling to walk with various aches and pains. Watching them tend to their wounds each day of course I was not immuned but I started the camino in pain and maybe I was more use to it and more prepared for it than some. And lastly of course camino life is watching the joy, laughter and willingness to smile early day no matter the circumstance.
What about the stinky boots and stinky pilgrims. Yes sadly there are many. You will forget you own deodorant or perfumes, although this is an unimaginable thought , you forget you own a comb or brush and realize your hair is happy short, in pigtails or a ponytail. It will make you will crave for good hair conditioner and a good moisturizer, you will forget what a razor looks like, men and women, and the men were happy looking like mountain man Grizzly Adams for a while at least. Truth is no one cares what you look like, this is only your internal voice yielding to perceived social pressure which does not, for the most part, exist on the camino. Camino life is laughing and dancing even when you are exhausted. Camino life is just simple living and walking step by step, day by day..
Albergues(hostels)
What would we do without the albergue? Albergues, pension, hotels and motels are essential to camino life they are available in relative distances along the route. It is most important to not forget to stamp your pilgrims passport at each albergue.
Without the albergue we would probably freeze to death in a tent I’m sure but then again there were many albergues with limited sources of heat in the cold and damp spring nights in the Spanish highlands. Some offer blankets for your comfort to supplement your sleeping bag and liner. There were equally many albergues with too much heat but one can never complain with a clean bed and hot showers. Speaking of showers I actually got a token for the shower in one albergue. Six minutes is all you get, make sure every body part get at least a taste of soap and water. I encountered a couple showers without privacy curtains or hooks and well, you just make due. If you want to be really comfortable on the camino you may need more money to stay in private accommodation but for the vast amounts of pilgrims albergues are essential to daily living and you can get a bed for as little as six to ten euros per day. Albergues are an important part of pilgrim life and so are the people who work there. Some are volunteers, former pilgrims who give up their free time and become a part of the camino process. Others are paid municipal workers but they all ensure we have clean beds, hot showers and any assistance we needed along the way. My suggestion if one can afford it is to plan for a stay in a hotel or pension with a private bath once per week it will refresh you.
So what about nightlife? Well, for most pilgrims thats is an oxymoron. Most are far too tired to look for nightlife but for the number of people who are sleeping there are equal numbers out for fun. At one point I seem to remember some pilgrims being locked out of the albergue in Burgos. A night of fun forced a crawl thru the open windows on the second floor. Perigrino parties are not often but from time to time the camino is lively and flowing with vino tinto and cerveza. Communal cooking and spontaneous dance parties with Improvised instruments often do break the monotony of the camino but mostly it’s eating, showering and sleeping before starting another day. We all have our memory of a favorite albergue and favorite hospitalero (host) and I am no exception but I think I will keep this secret to myself. Lest we not forget the Donativo albergue. Don’t be stingy, donate and be generous.
Weather…God must be angry
If someone had told me ten years ago I’d be walking 500 miles in rain,snow, sleet, hail and snow I would have told them they were crazy. The weather is varied and unrelenting depending the season of your walk. Good rain gear, sunscreen, fast dry clothes and Merino wool is almost a necessity. Keeping your feet and clothes dry can be a challenge but it can be done. Some complain that a few have carried hair dryers that waste electricity but at some points I needed a heater to dry my clothes and keep my bones from creeking. That would have done nicely but sadly I did not have a hair dryer. The will be Mud, mud ,mud, flooded trails and no way around it. So I just kept on walking and when I couldn’t, I gave into the pain and took a well deserved rest day or two or three. Moral to this story is to expect the unexpected, don’t complain, stay warm and dry. At some points it rained for two weeks straight or so it seemed. Even in the sun was out I still prepared for cold. And just when I thought the cold days were over I saw hail in Santiago after experiencing two days of sun. It was an unexpected rainstorm, not so unusual on the camino. I started my camino in April and ended in May…all manner of weather change is to be expected and if you walk in the summer, be prepared for unrelenting sun.
Food and other things I couldn’t live without
One thing I can say Spain has, is available restaurants and Cafe bars. The Cafe bar is a very large part of the spanish culture providing quick breakfast, coffee and social life. Oh, by the way in case you were wondering, one cannot live without Cafe con leches or espressos on the camino. It’s like life’s blood . I was not immune to this unwritten rule. It seems I could not start the day without my cafe con leche and a banana. I ate my daily banana for potassium and I also took magnesium tablets for pain. Note to self take the magnesium before leaving the albergue and go to the toilet at least twice before starting to walk. Let’s get real folks, Spain does something to your insides. Maybe it’s from the endless miles of walking, maybe it’s from consuming foods one is not use to or maybe is from drinking more than three liters of water per day. I am thankful I was prepared with wet wipes, toilet paper and an antidiarrheal pill. One can never be too prepared. Five kilometers later I would have another cafe con leche a trip to the toilet and have a chance to rest my feet take my boots off or change my socks.. Unlike most I didn’t have many bocadillos or Spanish tortillas . The bocadillo (bread,ham and cheese), in my opinion, seems to have become the official food of the camino but for me it is too much bread and too much salt from the ham. The Spanish tortilla was the cheapest and tastiest of many breakfast options, filling and satisfying but unfortunately I have an egg allergy no tortilla for me. The next thing I couldn’t live without was Aquarius lemon. This is liquid gold and a must with lunch and definately after the daily walk to replenish my energy. Towards the end of my camino Aquarius was in one of my water bottles, the other plain water or I would mix the two. I found it gave me a boost of electrolytes which made me walk faster and longer. Many cannot live without Vino Tinto or ceverza which everyone know is obligatory not he camino.
I was consuming over 3 liters or more water per day and I discovered something called lemon beer even though I truly hate all forms of beer. I even saw a beer garden in the middle of nowhere with a hand crafted pilgrims beer called peregrina. Galicia had some of the best wine, the freshest seafood and some of the best food, in my opinion, along the camino. Bread…even if you don’t like bread and watching your carbs you will still absolutely love a Spanish bakery and fresh baked breads and pastries. You also will need carbs for those long walking days and Spanish bakeries offer a cheap option to the restaurant menu. Hmmm I seem to forget to mention Chorizo and cheese, definitely cannot forget that.
Spain from Navarre to Galicia
I am fortunate to say that I have traveled throughout the world…on a budget. Not many people have the same opportunity. Northern Spain has left an indelible mark in my memory. The people are warm and friendly, the scenery and nature are for the most part untouched and truly beautiful. Fields of wine plants, olive groves, sheep, horses, pig farms, cow farms and farms cultivating various crops. It’s beautiful, challenging and amazingly wild mountain trails makes the way of the camino almost feel impossible but also enjoyable. Wildlife, singing birds, beautiful wild flowers, forest, streams, rivers, the architectural and historical wonders in the small villages as well as the big cities, fresh air and beautiful mountains, there is certainly something for everyone. So many stray animals but of note I didn’t meet any vicious dogs and I wasn’t afraid. Every day I would say Ola Perro, ola gato…too many dogs and cats on the camino but I would greet each of them by saying hello thanks to a video from Stephen Jones on youtube.
Upon entering almost every town you will almost always find a church and a tourist office and both are essential. Usually, if I have time I would first head to the tourist office if open then head to the church or cathedral. Some cathedrals along the way have an entry fee. I don’t agree with this practice as I think churches for obvious reasons are suppose to be a sanctuary. I understand the need to renovate and keep the culture alive but a request for donation may in the end yield more funds than alienating anyone who seek sanctuary or cannot afford the entry fee. Many pilgrims are on a limited budget and I think miss out on the experience due to this practice. Most larger towns have pharmacies. These are essential to pilgrim life due to the many injuries and illness along the camino route. There were more than a couple times when I was happy to see the flashing green signs. I would highly recommend purchasing travel and travel medical insurance before a camino. Review any policy for pre existing conditions and exclusions, especially if you are like me and have pre camino issues. You never know what will happen so it’s always best to prepare. This small upfront payment may save you thousands later. All in all Spain and its culture lures you in, keeps you warm and cuddles you in its arms until you are ready to go home. Amazing history and culture, what an experience!
The Spaniards are simply wonderful. I remember remarking that the people of Spain must get tired of the pilgrims invading their land and space every day. But, I felt quite the opposite, I thought they embraced us! Spaniards are some of the most fun loving,loud, joyous, friendly, social, family oriented people in the world. Their basic view on life and living is simplistic and complicated at the same time. The day starts relatively early and ends relatively late and in the middle a siesta (sleep)time. Food and wine are meant to be savored and enjoyed. It’s not unusual to see someone having a glass of wine or beer for breakfast alongside a cafe con leche. Then another one for lunch, afternoon snack and definitely with dinner. Beer and wine was considered by many peregrinos as a substitute to water. Life was meant to be enjoyed. If I could describe northern Spaniards in one word I would answer “it’s complicated”. They cannot be clearly defined, what’s left is you must experience their culture to know them better.. There are many Spanish pilgrims on the camino and they laugh, sing , drink their way thru it and maybe that’s the way it should be.
The peregrinos (pilgrims)Thanks for the memories
They are many, all from different places and all walking the camino for different reasons and few stood out in my mind. I have a new family, Louise and Eki (Australia), Jarrod (Australia), Axel(Germany), Kayoko(Japan), Mulan (Hungary), Louise (Sweden), Claudia(Germany), Maens and Hannes (Germany) and Heino(Germany), Audrey and James(Canada), Luiz, Alexandre, Taynara (Brazil), and Stephan(Germany), Guillaume(France), Alistere (UK) Zayda(USA), Mooksama(Korea), Luis(Mexico), Ali(UK), Michelle British Columbia) Helium (Portugal) Haley and her mom from Florida USA, Sandy and husband Jedrik (USA), Mulan (Hungary), Jana, (Slovakia), Christopher (USA), Alistere(UK), Annie(Germany), Kayo(USA) and so many more who’s names escape my mind. They made my camino memorable, they made my camino fun, they made my camino special.
Along the camino and the 36 days of feet pounding earth I made so many memories. Louise and Eki from Australia would come to be my very best friends on the camino. Even though we were not walking together we essentially were walking at the same pace and I ran into them almost everyday. We were often in the same albergue sharing coffee and snacks. I will miss them…my Roos (kangaroos). I will also miss Guillume from France who made my birthday special.From Canada, James was traveling with Audrey who was visibly pregnant. I met them again and again during that first week and the one thing I remember about James and Audrey is how happy they were. James was always singing and was so supportive and Audrey, well she is amazing. She always had a smile on her face and always very optimistic. I miss them, I believe they gave me a my first feeling of hope on the camino both for love and for life. Recent update show them to be the proud parents to little Florence. They will undoubtedly be wonderful parents as they are wonderful people.
I remember dancing uphill with Ali from the UK. What a special person she is, a gentle soul who was so open to the camino experience. She was calm and upbeat and her vibe was always one of positivity and spirituality. I remember dancing down several steep hills with a couple from Taiwan. The wife had knee problems and the first time we met she just had a thumbs up as she watched me dancing down the hill. I told her dancing keeps the pain away. Along the camino I would meet them often although I don’t remember their names I would definitely know them if I saw them again. We would immediately start dancing and when we parted she would always would say “keep on dancing”. I met Stephan from Germany whom I really admired. Handsome, laid back and full of the adventure spirit. He would wake early before most pilgrims, walk 40 km and at the end of the day he was happy with a beer and a smile still having time to laugh and talk with fellow pilgrims. I cannot forget Mulan, walking three caminos and writing her dissertation at the same time, a remarkable young lady. Haley and her mom from my home state of Florida , Haley walked the entire camino in Birkenstocks and what a big smile hearty laugh..she is a kindred spirit.
I met many Germans on the camino and I connected with Axel, Claudia and Heino the most. Axel was, only available to the camino for two weeks due to work. He pushed forward and we would meet again in Burgos. I was happy I was able to say goodbye before he went home, he being one of the first persons I met on the camino means he a special member of my camino family. Claudia and I shared a private room in Estella. This was a very special experience. After having found no room in the first albergue the receptionist called across the street to a private albergue owned by a Brazilian woman who had walked the camino two times with her son. She, the Brazilian woman was a delight and somewhat of a happy hippie. I remember Claudia and I were astonished at her kindness and her delightful personality. She would hand write personal notes of love and peace, happiness and positivity for all her guests but somehow this made it feel like she did it just for us. She had little heart shaped notes of love and spirituality littered along every wall inthe albergue. The next morning after a good rest Claudia and I awoke to home made breakfast, juice, coffee, toast jam and home made pastries. A lovely view of the village chapel in morning glow just before sunrise topped off the morning. I would see Claudia again many time on the camino. I saw her in Muxia and I was blessed to finally meet her husband when I returned for my final six days in Santiago. Again I was able to say goodbye to a woman I would definitely call my friend.
What can I say about Heino except that he is a gentle giant. A man of heart and kindness. I only knew him a short time first meeting him in Roncesvalles at dinner then somewhere along the way in a small village. He was battling camino blisters and shin splints. Like rabid dogs the blisters and shin splints were raw, vicious and painful. Heino didn’t seem to mind though because he had sacrificed a lot to walk to Santiago. He left his mother sick at home and with her blessing and the blessing of his family he took a leap of faith. After walking some distance together we lost each other then met again in the small village of Hornillo del Camino. Along with Claudio and Heino we sat together outside. Even though Heino was in pain one would never know it as he laid on the sidewalk in a yoga pose. Instead of us rubbing his feet he massaged our feet. Heino and Claudio drank a beer and I had an Aquarius as we sat in the brief moments of sunshine and we cheered each pilgrim who entered the small town. Later we would have a communal meal of Paella and salad with the other pilgrims in our albergue before going to bed and starting the walk again the next day. I later found out that Heino had to go home early and my heart broke for him because I know how much he wanted to finish in Santiago. As I write this I reached out to Heino a couple days ago and I was told he buried his mom. The saying goes that the camino provides but my heart was sad, however I took solace in knowing that going home early gave him more time with his mom. I know next year he will be back walking the camino.
And what of Kayo and Kayoko. Kayo went home early due to time constraints and what of Kayoko the small Japanese woman with the giant backpack? I think if I remember she told me her pack weighed 21 kilograms at one point. I remember her laughing and saying but now it only weighs 16 kilograms. To many this will be a heavy backpack but to Kayoko it was no bother. She carried Spanish wine, chorizo, cheese in her pack, she enjoyed every minute of the camino taking everything in. I must say I was envious of how she noticed everything…she noticed the smallest items in nature as well as the largest and she would remarked how each was specialist in its own way. She is an artist and also a nurse, she is one of a kind. She would walk to Santiago and go on to walk to Finisterre and Muxia. Shortly before the camino she ran a marathon. Recently she walked another camino in her home country of Japan. A truly remarkable person.
After Santiago
Finisterra
After two days Santiago I decided to visit the coastal town of Finsterra by bus. Many pilgrims walk to this town but I was so tired and no longer felt like walking, I would regret this decision. Next time I will take this beautiful walk but for now my knees had enough and I finally obliged. This was a lovely little town on the northern Spanish coast with a thriving fishing industry. There is a restaurant overlooking the water, Restarante Tearron, which I noticed immediately upon arriving in Fisterra. It is just above the immigrant statue which stands in the center of the Main Street and just above the harbor. For the two days I was in this small village, this was where I relaxed and ate all my meals. I arrived in town with Maens from Germany. After an amazing dinner the night before we said farewell to his friend Hannes who had to return to Germany. It was an unusually hot day considering I had been walking in cold and rain most of the way to Santiago .
Maens and I decided that after I find an albergue we would venture up to Faro, the lighthouse, and at km 000. Maens was going back to Santiago that afternoon and was still carrying his backpack so we decide because it was so hot we would take a taxi. The restaurant owner called a taxi for us and we sat had a drink and waited. To our surprise the taxi came and went. Some other pilgrims stole our taxi but hey what’s another 20 minutes in light of two months on the camino. The restaurant owner felt so bad that in he asked a family member to drive us up to Faro (lighthouse). We were so grateful that we decided to have lunch in this restaurant and we waited there until Maens caught the bus. I like Fisterra , it has kind people, beautiful scenery and amazing seafood. It’s a good place to rest and decompress from the camino. Most of the pilgrims who stayed the night in Fisterra including my friend Ali from the UK went back up to the lighthouse to watch the sunset from the end of the world but somehow I really didn’t feel like being around a lot of people. I didn’t yet realize that I had a bit of camino depression. I wanted and craved silence so that night I walked back to my albergue alone. It was located on the hill next to the castle and I crawled under a blanket in lovely single room with a bed without a bunk attached to it.
Muxia…Words cannot express
After two days in Finisterra I caught the bus to the coastal town of Cee then switched to another bust to Muxia. I couldn’t have asked for a better end to my camino. This village is special. There is a peace and a calm here that I did not find in Santiago. I left my heart here, I left my soul out there somewhere on the Muxia coastline. According to some locals I may be the first Jamaican to come to Muxia but I’m not sure. I took a long walk on the first day, I went up to end of the road to a small church sitting on the edge of the ocean. Few pilgrims were here in this spot on this day. It is said that Mary, mother of Christ met Saint James here and urged him to return to the Holy Land. Calm is everywhere even in the giant waves rushing in to meet the jagged rocks on the shore and in the sound of the wind which passes in a silent bursts as it brushes against my skin. I don’t really notice it but I know it’s there. Today, it’s not hot and it not cold, everything is as it should be. I hiked to the top of the small hill which overlooked the village on one side and gave unobstructed views of the ocean. I felt like I could love this place…it gives me a good feeling. The next day I walked in the opposite direction first exploring the village then going beyond it. I walked along the road until I reached a wooden walkway which led up around the cape to the other side of the hill where I could see the village of Muxia across open water. It was magical. I, like other pilgrims, found a private place among the rocks which dotted the landscape and hugged the ocean. Time stopped, I breathed, I cried, I felt new again. I reflected and meditated that day, finding and tapping into that need to feel free.
Culture and the drunken fight in the square
The peace I felt was fleeting and I had six days in Santiago after returning from Finisterre and Muxia. Unfortunately I had these many days to waste until my flight back to Barcelona. What to do now? I decided I would spend these days shopping for souvenirs, exploring the old city of Santiago. It was really a good ending to this fabulous trip. Had I known however,how I would feel about Muxia and Finisterra, I would have spent more days in each instead of an entire week in Santiago. There are celebrations every night in Santiago. The endless stream of pilgrims never stop. The music is continuous and the city does its best to keep them entertained. While I was there I was fortunate to catch many concerts both large and small. I saw traditional Galician dancing and various forms of cultural display in the form of bagpipes, one man bands involving didgeridoo (Australian), drums, sticks, guitars and full on rock bands. Beer and wine seem to flow endlessly and the smell of a certain weed is always present in the air. All is right in the world just some 200 meters behind the cathedral at Albergue Azabache.
At some point things in life will always get out of hand when alcohol is involved and Santiago is not immuned to the stupidity of some. The Vikings have invaded, no not really it was just a drunk swede in the square fighting with four young men over who would pay for drinks. How a peaceful camino could turn into a brawl is unbelievable. I met the Swede briefly in Muxia and I was shocked at his behavior in Santiago. I tried to stop the fight but…after hearing him say he would kill them…and him grabbing my arm forcible as I tried to get between him and the onslaught of insults from the young men, I decided he was on his own. I walked back to my quiet albergue. So much for being helpful so that’s enough said about that.
Tourist days
There are some good things which happened in these my final six days of camino bliss. I took the tourist train tram around the city or an hour tour, visited museums, contemplated Galician architecture and sampled more Galician food. On my second to last day I was able to spend the day with Jarrod from Australia. In the beginning when I joined the camino forum Jarrod and Zayda were two of few pilgrims who would start the camino on 1 or 2 April. We kept in touch via facebook messenger comparing notes on the Camino along the way. We met briefly on day two of the camino in Roncesvalles. Here we are on the final day in Santiago de Compostela and it seems fitting that I would end my journey with Jarrod. We meandered around the old town taking in the shops, having lunch, then dinner and generally just reminiscing about the camino. He was also leaving the next day travelling to Madrid then on a very long way back to Australia. I do believe he and I will be forever friends. Somehow the camino always provide what you need when you need it, practically speaking of course. Maybe I needed to meet Jarrod that day, He was open and kind and maybe he eased my mind of camino fears and the anxieties that my camino has come to an end. Maybe I finally was not afraid because I found a wonderful friendship. The next morning I had to catch the airport bus at 6am. I walked down the lonely streets of Santiago with the pack on my back for the last time. I watched the street cleaners washing the streets of the city. I also felt cleansed, I smiled at the thought of all the wonderful camino memories, somethings I will never ever forget . There is something called camino addiction, it’s contagious and relentless. The camino was in my blood and I knew I would be back.
Misperceptions, Empathy, sympathy or normality, you decide
Some say I have a young face, I’m fat, maybe I am 35. Ok 40. 45? 48 whaaat???? 51 no way. They say I am injured, I could not do it with that cyborg knee brace, they say I am Brazilian, I am Hispanic, They are not quite sure what I am and I’m not sure I look like the average pilgrim. Well, what does the average pilgrim look like anyway? These thoughts roll thru my mind multiple times on the camino and echos of similar thoughts from multiple individuals whom I met. They tried to define me and I tried to define myself . I have learned that many people come to the camino with preconceived thoughts and ideas about other people about themselves. To be honest I have never been thrilled to be placed in a box. Apparently through my life I am not black enough, I am not white enough, I don’t look old enough, I don’t look young enough,I’m not thin enough,I don’t quite identify in any particular racial group, I look like I am not intelligent enough, what…. huh??. Apparently I’m not handicapped enough either. But what people fail to understand is that not all handicap ailments are obvious to the eye just as you can’t judge a person’s intelligence or experience based on facial features.. To be judged and placed in a particular box of preconceived notions, which has no basis in fact, is the worst. At the very least it’s very judgemental. We also place more pressure and judge ourselves much more than we think.
I was not immune to these thoughts because I found myself also judging others. Whether thinking they are rich tourist peregrinos, maybe they are too cocky, too drunk too , too loud, whatever. By the end of the camino I realize I now purposefully push these types of thoughts from the front of my mind. Each person has their own needs of which I am not and you are not privy to. A good example of what I mean is one peregrino who posted a picture of a pilgrim on social media and remarked “ oh that backpack is too large I can see that pilgrim carries her fears on her back, the camino provides, she doesn’t need all those things. Look at my pack its so small it’s only 6kg and no you can’t change my mind no matter what explanation you provide or the circumstance because the camino always provide”. I remembered thinking how does she know what is in that person’s backpack. Maybe the person carries a medical machine or some other useful necessity, maybe the pilgrim is walking a longer camino. Whatever the reason is, it is each pilgrim’s camino and we have no right to judge and I struggle to not judge her. Then I had a profound thought, maybe the person who is giving the criticism carries her struggles, her ego, her fears and her emotional weight in disguise in the form of criticism of others. These misperceptions/misconceptions happen on the camino but also in everyday life. Maybe judging others makes us feel more secure in our own lives. We mask our own insecurities, fear, pain and anguish by critiquing others. I’ve learned that I am more self aware now and also struggle to live in the moment each day. When I look at others I will, in the future, always try to look in hope and not thru the eyes of my own fears or my own concept of how things should be.
Fear drives many factors in my life but somehow I was never afraid to walk the camino alone. I am afraid daily about what tasks are in my physical capability, I’m afraid to make friends because I might get hurt. I am afraid to be around people for fear of being left out. I am afraid to sell my house and move to someplace where I will truly be happy. I am afraid to live the rest my life alone. I am afraid my children will never understand the sacrifices I made for them and I am afraid they won’t love me simply because I am me. I am afraid my children will make the same mistake I did and afraid they will find unhappiness in life. I am afraid to be myself because maybe people won’t like me. So many of these fears weighs more than my backpack. I can’t say I am no longer afraid but I can say that I can recognize those fears now. I am all right with myself. I am all right being poor, I am all right with the struggle of life. I am all right and you will be also.
As I walked the camino many said “ you inspire me”. I didn’t think it was possible with an injury like yours and I shrugged it off thinking “I am nothing special, I am just doing my camino”. But these thoughts persisted. I was told by one person ”I felt so much pain and my blisters were hurting until I saw you and your brace and thought if you can do it , if you can make it up this mountain so can I”. Up the mountain passes many struggled including the fittest and yes including me, but somehow watching me struggle gave people hope and they also cheered for me as I finished each day. As I came over the next hill they cheered and when I received my Compostela they cheered again, I’m humbled. I did not set out to inspire others, my only goal was to inspire myself but in life we never truly know how we as humans affect others. Whether silently or in the open, even if we don’t admit it, at our core we are here on earth and born to help each other. On the camino many others silently whispered their surprise at my resilience, I saw polite glances of disbelief….but undeterred and unafraid, I continued my path. There were days where I wanted to sever my leg chew it up and spit it out, I wanted to quit, give in to the madness but on those days I persevered, I turned up the music and in true Jamaican fashion I danced up one hill and down the other, the more pain persisted the more I danced. I even danced in the three hour wait to get my Compostela (certificate). In the end, I gave up my pain to the camino and many others did too. The Camino inspired me to be better than my own misperceptions of myself.
The story you didn’t know,
The Compostela or certificate, is only a small part of the journey. Pilgrims walk thru pain, contemplation both spiritual and religious and also walk thru joy and sadness. I met so many people who wanted to accomplish something in their current life. Whether it was to find themselves or find what they lost or to rekindle some passion they once had. Sadly, I also met some with suicidal contemplations and sadness in their hearts. Somehow these peregrinos come hoping to find that one thing that will make life worth living. I met a German couple somewhere past Burgos or at least I thought they were a couple. I met the woman again in Finisterre and I asked where is your husband? She said “ oh no we were not together he is not my husband”. I offered an apology and from here she began to tell me the story. She said the gentleman was battling an illness. She did not express of what type but surely it did not matter. Apparently he came on the camino to end his life. I remember this feeling of despair because long ago I was at this same point in my life. Obviously I’ve moved beyond the extreme sadness but sadly some cannot and a life ends in tragedy.
The woman continued her story by saying she befriended him and along the way they had many deep conversations. On this beautiful day in Fisterra I was told a tale of desperation . At this time she had not seen him in three days and asked if I had and sadly, I expressed to her that I had not seen him. The last time I saw them they were together. She was indeed worried about someone she barely knew but then this is the humanity of the camino. I wish I could say there is a happy ending to this story but as the day rolled on and I walked about the town I kept on hoping and wishing I would see him. I dreamed that he found the answer he was looking for and somehow I would see him walking around the next corner. I’m sure I will never know what happened to this man but today, as I sit in the cafe watching the peregrinos come and go, I am still hoping. I met others in a similar state, I am still hoping all eventually find peace beyond the camino. Although we as individuals don’t have a personal responsibility to take care of others It’s always good to pay attention and actively listen. Maybe we can change someone’s mind and possibly save a life.
final thoughts…..
After this, my first camino I feel….sadness and elation, saudade as the portuguese
say. Saudade can only be described as a feeling one cannot completely put into words. It is a feeling of delayed joy, one of completion and disbelief of completion and you cry many tears without knowing why and then finally, eventually you will feel acceptance. I had many interesting experiences on the camino. From walking in freezing unrelenting rain daily for two weeks, to hopping across river crossing of fast running frigid water with only your will and strength to keep you from falling in. From having to remove wet clay and mud from my boots with every aching step then only to find sleep in the coldest non-heated albergues, it was painful yet delightful.
Many people are unaware that I had several injuries while serving in the military. Among these, the worst being a head injury which affects my cognitive abilities, causes severe migraines, memory loss and light seizures, nerve damage in my left arm, depression and also a debilitating knee injury. These are physically draining and very painful on a daily basis. Even writing and editing this manifesto of sorts is a challenge. Lost thoughts, misplaced words, lagging memory and confusion adds to this difficulty. Everything for me is a challenge and everything is therapy. I am not a war hero or even a regular hero. I am just me, I did my job and did it well unfortunately when you are very good at your job you also tend to get abused. Your brain belongs to everyone else and you somehow always feel disturbed. You eventually lose your peace and being injured also becomes a trial of will.
Although I served many years overseas I was never in Afghanistan or Iraq and I don’t pretend to have done anything special but this should never diminish my many years of military service. These injuries made me feel weak and useless. I had fears multiplied by 1,000. I was not who I use to be, I Lost myself. The woes of life and work became an oppression. Fighting the system for benefits and fighting people’s judgements as well as my own judgement of myself at times, takes its toll on my psyche. My joy had disappeared and was replaced by fear, sadness, depression and uselessness. The system set up to heal me, tore me down. Maybe this is why I chose to do the camino. It essentially saved me from myself. There are many veterans who are in a much worst spot. Some without limbs, some without life, I cannot and do not compare myself to them. But each person has their own battles, their demons. They can hide them but eventually they will surface whether willingly or unwillingly. The camino forced me to face some of my demons.
—The fear that I’m not physically capable and I am not strong enough mentally or physically. Nothing comes easy and life will always be a struggle but I can do it!
—The fear of being alone…I walked the camino alone. The fear of increased pain…yes I felt extreme daily physical pain sometimes unbearable and daily
exhaustion.
—The fear of people not being proud of me…it no longer matters because I am finally proud of myself
—the fear of not finishing something … depression causes this …..but as you can see, I did it!
I spent my 51st birthday on the camino and I suppose this is also symbolic. Mouths hang in amazement when I tell people how old I am. Either they are being polite or I must believe I truly do look younger than my body tells me I feel. Starting a new half century on the camino is a fresh start and will be with an open heart. I know I will always have physical and emotional challenges in my life but there is nothing I cannot handle. I think I will also always have depression but now I know I can handle it one way or another. Life is not hopeless ….life is hope! In one way the camino is not what I expected and the other everything I needed when I needed it. As I sit here writing these last few words I am already planning another Camino. I know now that I am my own campion! Buen Camino perigrina!